What I’m thinking about . . .

OK, I know most of you come here for recipes but the title also promises random thoughts and I am feeling inspired to share some of those.
Starting Jan 1, I, and by proxy my family, embarked on a healthy eating plan.   This is s not a diet.  I hate that word.  It implies deprivation and short term.  We are working on changing the way we eat and how much we move. 
A couple of years ago, I got inspired to join a gym and starting buying us healthier things to eat.  It was great.  We all lost weight, I was sleeping better, feeling better, etc.  The problem:  the gym was expensive so I gave it up with the idea that I would workout at home.  Uh, yeah, that never happened.  so in the two years since I gave up the gym, I have gained/regained 30 pounds and our family eating is HORRIBLE.  We are/were eating very little fruits and veggies.  We were eating tons of junk—–sweets, chips, etc.  In return we have gained weight, move very little and are generally unhealthy. 
Now, you would think that would be motivating enough to get me to start shopping more healthfully for my family and exercising–but it wasn’t.  It wasn’t even the fact that my “skinny” clothes weren’t fitting anymore.  It was seeing myself in a picture that a friend took a few weeks ago.  All I could think was “I look awful!  I’ve gotten soo fat!”  So I decided that come 2010 I was going to make some changes.
So far, things have gone pretty well.  The family is onboard with the changes to their food choices so far.  And it hasn’t yet felt like deprivation.  And I don’t want it too.  For me the food thing isn’t about eliminating anything but rather about making better choices, eating healthier options and enjoying “bad” foods occasionally. 
Exercise is more difficult for me.  If I had my choice, I would go to the gym around 7:30-8:00 in the morning, workout, then come home to shower and start my day.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that freedom in my schedule.  Working out for me in the late afternoon/evening is really hard.  I am tired from being at work, I have dinner to cook, chores to do around the house, the kids are tired and grumpy, etc.  I found yesterday that the best plan for us seems to be to pick Chris up from school and head straight to the gym.  If I can get my workout finished and be home by 5 it feels like it will be doable. 
I am turning 40 years old this year! I really want this year to be the start of a new chapter.  I don’t want to enter this new decade dragging the same baggage and hangups behind me.  I have always felt “fat”.  I do not remember a time in my life when I did not feel like the chubby girl and I’m sick of that.  Now, I’m married, have two kids, and I’m going to be 40–it’s not like I’m planning to run out and pose for Playboy or something but I would like to be able to walk past a window or mirror and not think “Ugh, I look awful!” 
Heck, I’d be pretty satisfied to walk by and think “Hmm, I look OK”
And it isn’t about weight.  That is just a number (that no one but me and that insistent nurse in the doctor’s office needs to know).  I would be completly satisfied at my current weight if I were fit and firm—which I most definitely am not right now.  I would like to have less of me jiggle and less of my flesh touching other parts of my flesh 🙂
So, day 5—I’ll keep you updated.


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