So, I’m kind of in a funky mood and therefore it seems appropriate to share with you the stuff that bugs me—or at least the top 10 things that bug me in the last week or so.
1. People who are manning the entry desk at the county fair should not be allowed to make “executive decisions” about accepting stuff that CLEARLY does not meet the criteria and rules for the category. For example, if the rules say that the kid was supposed to MAKE the piece him/herself then Ms. County Fair should not accept something that the kid did NOT make just because she doesn’t want to inconveinece Suzy Sunshine’s mom.
2. And related to the fair entry, I am sure that you daughter is VERY talented, multi-talented even. And I am so happy for you that she has a history of winning Best of Show. However, I do not know your child or you and therefore do not need the “my kid is the greatest in the history of the world” speech. Even if I were judging some of these competitions, I wouldn’t vote for your kid—I’d vote for mine.
3. When the signs clearly say that the lane is going to end in several hundred feet, that is the time for you to merge. I am sure your mother and grandmother have told you for years that you are the most special girl/boy in the whole wide world, but you aren’t special to me. So, when you go flying past me and then expect me to let you in when the lane ends FORGET IT!!! Try following the rules like everyone else.
4. Caroline Manzo on the RHofNJ is right! That apology palooza last night was a load of cow patties! Seriously?! Ya’ll have hated each other all year. One of you is certifiably psycho and now one “I’m sorry” and all is well? What a disappointment! I’m hoping the RH of Beverly Hills will be a hot mess of epic proportions.
5. The carpool/pick up lane at school is NOT a parking space. If you must get out of your car to pick up your little darling then find a parking space other than where the rest of us are attempting to exit the school. I have just noticed that people not following the rules seems to be a theme here. Hmmm
6. When you see something that needs to be done, cleaned, put away, etc–please feel free to complete the task. You do not need permission to throw your junk in the trash, put away your shoes, or to rinse out the sink—just get it done.
7. The middle of the grocery store aisle is also NOT a parking space. If you are going to look for something on the shelves or pick something up to put in your cart, kindly push your cart to the side of the aisle. Otherwise you block the aisle and no one can get past you. Once again, I am sure everyone in your life has told you that you are the Lord’s gift to the world, and I am sure to them you are, but to me you are an impediment to progress. So MOVE IT!
8. When you venture forth into society please wear clothing appropriate for the event. Cover the majority of your flesh, wear clothes and shoes that are not sold in the intimate apparel section, and please refrain from using profanity and beating your chid. Thank you. I appreciate your cooperation in my attempts to shield my children from four letter word vocabulary and topics they are not ready to discuss.
9. Alongside your steering wheel there should be a little stick that moves up and down and turns on a little blinking light. This is called your indicator light or turn signal. Please feel free to use it liberally. Say, when you want to move in front of other moving vehicles or when making a turn. Once again, your cooperation is appreciated and will prevent my smashing my car into yours.
10. And finally, when you ask a question please pay attention to the answer. I know we all get distracted at times but when you have a history of asking the same question multiple times because you are not really focusing on the conversation, I have a tendency to get snarky and want to smack you.
And that dear reader, concludes my list of stuff that is annoying me.
I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!