Balloons are of the devil

So here you are with your family, going to a grocery store, restaurant, birthday party, wherever and there is some well meaning adult handing out balloons to your kids.  At this very moment your misery begins.  No good comes from a kid being given a balloon.  Let me explain why.
The battle begins when you are trying to get the kid to hang on to the balloon so that it doesn’t float to the ceiling of the store/restaurant, and then resulting in crying.
The kid then cries when you tie the balloon to the chair, cart, kids’ wrist, etc. 
The kid cries when you scold him for bopping his brother in the face with the balloon (maybe because you tell him you will pop the dadgum thing if he does it again)
Then the kid cries when the balloon floats off into the wild blue yonder as you exit the building.
You have the crying that comes when you lose it because the kids are (a) bopping each other in the back seat and (b) when you can’t see in the rearview mirror because the balloon is in the way
then you have the battle over the balloon getting stuck in your ceiling fans when you get home.
The fight that occurs when one kid’s balloon pops and both kids begin fighting over the remaining balloon.
The crying that comes when the balloon starts to deflate as the helium leaks out and starts to look like the boobs of a 41 year old woman who nursed her kids (NOT that I am speaking from personal experience)
Although, I might have, at some point when a kid has fallen asleep or left the house, used some scissors to deflate the balloon and throw the stinkin’ thing away.
So, you’ve gotten this lovely balloon and it has brought nothing but misery and tears into your life.  That is why I tell you that balloons are created by the devil! And when that well meaning adult heads your way, RUN!!! Run as fast and as far as you can before they put that latex evil attached to a string into your child’s hand!


5 thoughts on “Balloons are of the devil

  1. I know exactly where you're coming from! Our local grocery store gives cookies & balloons. Nice gesture, but if you're going just to pick up a couple of things before dinner, I really don't want to deal with either, but of course they give you this weird look if you say no. Balloons = evil!

  2. hahahahaha!!!! This is SO TRUE!!! Oh my word! I use the scissor trick after they go to bed every time! And then stash the "evidence" way down deep in the trash–so no one's any the wiser!

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