Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
I know that you are really busy this time of year.  I am also aware that I am kind of outside your target age group.  But, I could really use your help with a few things. 
First, it would be great if you could do something about peace on earth, good will toward men, global warming, the economy, etc. 
Second, I really need to lose about 40 pounds.  I am flexible.  If you to give me some magic pills to take each day for a couple of months I’m cool with that.  Or, if you want to take care of it all at once and I will wake up Christmas morning and be a size 8 that will be cool too.
Third, could you please provide my cats a magic litter box in which their business disappears as soon as they do it.  That would work out great for me. 
Fourth, while we are on the subject of magic items…I could also use a magic laundry hamper that cleans the clothes and folds them as soon as they are deposited in the hamper. 
Fifth, doughnuts that make you thinner the more you eat them would be fantastic!
Sixth, i would like my own “easy” button, especially for when my little darling E is having problems cooperating with my plans and instructions.
Seventh, there are several celebrities who have become over exposed in the media.  If you could arrange for these celebs to take and extended–media free–vacation that would be awesome!  Among these please include: Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Lindsey Lohan, and Donald Trump.  I’m sure I will think of some more names later, so I’ll just text you with those. 
Eighth, and finally, could you  please remove from TV all these ads for Viagra and other pharmaceuticals?  Also any ads that seek sell a simple product, like rice, with a moaning and groaning woman.  I’m really tired of trying to switch the channel every time one of these comes on before my kids start to ask questions. 

Thanks so much Santa!!! I’ll let you know if I need anything else. 
Tracey

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